On new beginnings.

Monday I start my new job.

Six weeks, it's been a solid six weeks of searching. At week seven the windfall came. I had three solid days of interviews, and magically - an offer.

I will tell you, at first I was excited. But then, here's the really weird part, I became incredibly sad. You see, it's because I realized I am honestly about to leave my old self behind. That the four plus years I spent in one spot have had their chapter book closed.

Now, here's the deal. I've gotten some AMAZING friends out of that. Some incredible, wonderful people who I will keep in touch with, visit, and stay with, for years upon years. And even though I technically haven't been working with them for seven weeks, I feel like I'm leaving them. Like I want them all to come with me.

I have a great friend who once wrote to me, "When God closes a door he pushes you out a window." That's how I feel. I've agreed to free fall into a new space, a new place. I'm scared and excited and just like my job before this one - hopelessly wishing I could take everyone from my prior job with me. When I was interviewing - and this might creep people out - I was imagining their little ghost-like presences all over the room. My mentors, my friends. Sometimes I wished they could be there, holding my hand. (I honestly can say this, interviewing right now is tough. Really tough. I doubt I'm the only one out there wishing they could answer questions whilst gripping the hands of their most supportive friends and loved ones.)

So, I guess in a sense I am wrapping up this small (thank goodness) chapter of uncertainty, but with a sort of mournfulness. My whole world has decided to change. The most true, inevitable thing in life you can expect, but even still it comes unexpected. And when I go into work on Monday, holding the invisible hands of everyone who supported me so far, I hope to take new hands who will lead me forward into even better places.